Sadly, that is a reality that many families of Golden Gate Bridge
suicide victims endure for days, months and years. Compounding the
tragedy of losing a loved one to a suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge
is the fact that the bodies of many who jump are
never recovered, according to a Hercules mother whose 20-year-old
son probably jumped from the bridge on the morning of Nov. 15, 2007.
Matthew Whitmer is still officially "missing," as are others whose
bodies have not been found.
"If no one saw them jump, there is going to be an even bigger hope
that they walked off the other end of the bridge," said Dayna
Whitmer, whose son would have turned 24 Saturday. Nearly four years
later, he is not officially dead
but is listed as a "missing person." "You can't let go of the hope.
It's almost impossible to let go of the hope." Bayliss, a
15-year-old student, was seen walking onto the bridge at about 10
a.m. Monday but wasn't seen leaving
it, Her locked bicycle, with her helmet beside it, was found in the
parking lot of Fort Point, right below the bridge. The CHP and
Danville Police say their investigation found she ended her life by
jumping from the bridge — something
that even many people who didn't know her find hard to believe,
based on comments they're posting on Patch. Even Saturday morning,
after the family announced a Monday public celebration of Bayliss'
life, one Danville resident posted:
"I still continue to have hope. How do you know she didn't get in a
car and that's why you didn't see her come off the bridge? I'm still
hoping and praying for a miracle." Patch has repeatedly questioned
authorities about the evidence
they have of Bayliss' suicide, and they've assured us that their
information is accurate. "She walked onto the bridge and didn't come
back," said Danville Police Chief Steve Simpkins. In their
announcement, released Friday, the
Bayliss family extended their thanks to the Danville community and
invited people to attend a at 2 p.m. Monday at Danville's. "Alliy
was a caring and compassionate young woman and an avid learner who
was always interested in helping
others," the statement said. Whitmer has become an advocate for
families and for
erecting a suicide prevention barrier
at the bridge. She also has created a website,
goldengatebridgesuicides.com
, that offers practical resources for
families who are coping with this unique tragedy. "It's so difficult
when you can't get them home," said Whitmer. "It's not unlike all
the MIAs in Vietnam, you never know for sure until you get them
home." John Bateson, the executive
director of the
Contra Costa Crisis Center
and the author of a forthcoming book on suicides at the Golden Gate
Bridge, said
that a number of the 1,550 confirmed suicides are not officially
recorded as "suicides" because the bodies were never found. He can't
say what percentage of bridge suicides are classified as missing
person's cases, just as no one
can say for sure how many people have died. He and Whitmer said the
currents of San Francisco Bay push the bodies in various directions,
over to Marin County, down to San Mateo County or out into the
Pacific Ocean. Both Bateson
and Whitmer said the bodies of people believed to have jumped from
the bridge have been carried out and turned up as far as away as
Santa Cruz, the Farallon Islands, even Mendocino County. Ken Holmes,
the former longtime coroner
of Marin County, whose office has conducted the majority of
autopsies on bridge suicide victims, told Whitmer that some bodies
don't resurface. After Matthew disappeared, Holmes advised her to
keep calling his office. But after
six months, she was told to expect his body probably would not be
recovered after being in the water for so long. Whitmer said her
son, who had been in Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, had a mental
illness. At the age of 12, he told
his mother he had tried to kill himself. After a hospitalization, he
was given a diagnosis of schizo-affective disorder, an illness that
has components of schizophrenia and a mood disorder. Matthew
received treatment, stayed very
active in sports, completed high school, and traveled to the United
Kingdom and Ireland as a student ambassador for People to People, a
program for young adults to travel around the world. When he died,
he was going to school to
become a massage therapist. In the past, he had always been very
open with his family about whether he was becoming depressed or
hearing voices. The family also talked openly about suicide and what
he should do if he was having
those kinds of ideas. The night before his death, he had gone out
with his older brother David. The two returned home at about 10 p.m.
and stayed up playing video games. Matthew was last seen by his
brother at home about 1:30 a.m.
Whitmer woke up at 6:25 a.m. "I just sat up right in bed, feeling
that something is terribly wrong." She got up and looked for
Matthew, knew he had an 8 a.m. class and tried to reach him by
texting him. Through the Hercules police,
the family learned later that morning that his car had been found in
the south parking lot of the Golden Gate Bridge. According to what
they were told by the California Highway Patrol, joggers had
reported seeing a young man wearing
a hooded sweatshirt leap over the side of bridge at about 6:25 a.m.
They also saw a splash. The U.S. Coast Guard searched the waters but
didn't find anyone. Matthew Whitmer had texted a friend at 6:23 a.m.
the words "Peace Out."
He had also printed out directions to the Golden Gate Bridge, which
were found in his car. Other information came in later: that Matthew
had apparently attempted suicide three days earlier and that he had
started to hear voices
again. The first days and nights, Whitmer and her husband, Mark,
contacted every hospital in the Bay Area, looking for a John Doe.
They also called and called the Coroner's Office in Marin County.
"We just kept calling and waiting
and hoping it wasn't him [who had been seeing jumping]." Three weeks
after Matthew Whitmer apparently committed suicide, family and
friends held a sunset vigil at Point Isabel. Over the years, Dayna
Whitmer learned more than she
ever wanted to about the Golden Bridge and its history as a No. 1
suicide site in the world. She has provided DNA to the coroner's
office in case her son's body is ever found. And, every day, Whitmer
has moments of thinking that
Matthew will still walk through the door. A CHP officer told Whitmer
about the particularly sad case of a family whose religion required
the burial of body in order for them to begin grieving. For any
family with someone missing
from the bridge, that sense of "closure"— a stage important for
emotional healing — becomes ever more elusive, she said. Whitmer
said she and other relatives "feel it all over again" when they hear
about another Golden Gate Bridge
suicide. That's how it was Tuesday, when she first saw a tweet about
Bayliss going missing, then read that Bayliss had left a suicide
note and her bicycle was found near the bridge. Bayliss reminded
Whitmer of Matthew in that she
was reported to be smart, physically active and fun to be around.
Whitmer was heartened to see that 2,000 people turned out for
Bayliss' vigil Wednesday evening
. "That's the kind of support you don't often get when someone
commits suicide," she said. That's because suicide often is seen as
a "choice," or because of the fear friends and family will be judged
for not noticing that their
loved one was in such deep distress and intervening, Whitmer said.
"Her family should get the utmost care and compassion, " she added.
"They shouldn't be stigmatized because of it." In their statement,
the Bayliss family said that
the tremendous support they have received from people around the Bay
Area "has been overwhelming." The Danville Community Presbyterian
Church is at 222 West El Pintado Road. The family asks that people
wear blue and bring any photos
and other memorabilia of Alliy to add to their scrapbook. The family
has established the "Allison Bayliss Donation Fund Account" to
further her interests. Donations can be made at any Wells Fargo
bank. Expressions of sympathy may
be delivered in care of the Danville Police Department at: Bayliss
Family c/o Danville Police Department 510 La Gonda Way Danville, CA
94526
Living With a Terrible Grief
